You want to make sure they grasp the gravity. As Komrad said, you don’t want to give the system an easy way out. Sometimes anonymity is useful, however. Komrad lists the specific signs — along with real-life examples — that signal an individual needs help. While you probably don’t feel like socializing, spending some time with a close friend may help ease your immediate distress. The website has other resources on how you can help yourself, including tips on finding specific resources, self-care during the holidays and more. Things might have gotten dicey in your situation, resulting in you being in a highly emotional state. Signs Your Loved One is in a Bad Place Emotionally. It won't make them feel like you are pitying them. For example, if you feel you’re in danger of relapsing after treatment for drug or alcohol abuse or if you’re feeling vulnerable during the holidays now that you’re in recovery, say so to the person you’re seeking help from. The Psychology of Conspiracy Theories: Why Do People Believe Them? Holidays can be particularly stressful and threatening for many people, especially those who are in recovery, are working to cut out or cut back on alcoholic intake, suffer from anxiety, depression or other mental health issues, lack family or readily-available allies to turn to for support. Why do we hold back from asking? To ask for something is human; to want something and ask someone else for it requires a connection. Without being abrupt or pushy, it’s important to put your ask at the top of your email—within the first sentence or two if possible. In the long run, they will usually understand why you got someone else involved. Most friends will readily accept this request and just being together is a positive step you can take. Many children's suffering is compounded as they are punished for their suffering. Make use of such counseling, which can be of enormous benefit in weathering a crisis. In You Need Help! Talk to them about strengths and weaknesses, and how you can help each other work on those. Getting help for anxiety is often a big step for someone who habitually avoids things that make them feel anxious. “On average, a person with depression is at least 50 percent more disabled than someone with angina, arthritis, asthma or diabetes,” according to this report by The Centre for Economic Performance’s Mental Health Policy Group. And show up at every step of the process, he said. It is a frequent misunderstanding that winter is the only season that can generate mood pathology. and misery by focusing on all that’s wrong in your life instead of proactive solutions. You need to look after yourself, too. An especially powerful tool, he said, is to explain to your loved one that families come with certain privileges – and responsibilities. This also entails forgiving yourself and vowing to be the best version of yourself. You’ll notice that all the tactics in this article require you to ask for someone’s help, even the subtle strategies. Seasonal depression is not a black -and-white…. It was in the stillness of the evening that I slowed down to think of someone other than myself. And some research suggests that the people who need help the most are typically the least likely to get it. Psychotic features often go unrecognized, but are very important to assesses for given the damage they may engender for the patient. Last medically reviewed on October 1, 2012, Inside Schizophrenia is a long-form monthly podcast by people with mental illness for people with mental illness. If their response is that they can’t help you, ask if they know someone who can. Wrapping It Up: It's Okay to Ask for Help. It’s better than anything else that you could possibly give her. You Need Help! She, more than anyone, needs you to get some direction and proper help, more help than I know how to give you.”. But that same understanding doesn’t extend to mental illness. But go to a nearby gym and ask who the athletes see. Ready to share my latest updates with her, something in me encouraged me to ask how she was doing and why she was still awake. If that doesn’t work and your loved one is a danger to themselves or someone else or is very ill, contact the authorities, Komrad said. For those in recovery who have aftercare or continuing care, such therapy is likely included in the program. Make a list of the things you need help with. Research has shown that mental illness tends to disrupt people’s lives even more than physical conditions, said Dr. Mark S. Komrad, MD, a psychiatrist and author of the excellent book You Need Help! Experiencing trauma, such as abuse or the death of a child. If I have known someone on a personal basis for a significant period of time, I more or less know the various contexts and spaces they bring with them. Be genuine. The only way to get your need for support heard is to ask for it. © 2005-2021 PsychCentral a Red Ventures Company. A caregiver is often overwhelmed and can't articulate the help they need, or they don't want to ask for something that the offerer might be unwilling to do. Asking for help is easier if you can articulate your needs. It's also important that you get the support you need to cope with a loved one who has an addiction. I use this expression all the time.Can you give me a hand for a minute? Self-reliance is deeply imbedded in our society’s psyche, he said. For instance, avoid talking during family gatherings or when you’re fighting. For me, there’s a lot of fear that comes up when I’m about to ask for help. The first step to asking for help is to make sure you actually need it. “If you’ve seen no movement on their part to pay you back, just ask,” Grace says. While working the steps, you’ve probably already encountered situations where you felt vulnerable to relapse or an inability to handle problems at work, school, home or elsewhere. If you put a lot of rigmarole before your ask, an impatient reader might never get to it. Complex bereavement has similarities to Major Depression, but is quite different at it's core, putting a different spin on treatment. Usually it’s used when what you’re asking doesn’t require a huge amount of effort from the person that you’re asking for help. In other words, explore all of the possible solutions—including the obvious ones. Komrad lists the specific signs — along with real-life examples — that signal an individual needs help. You may want to make a list of what you need help with and rank the importance of each need by assigning a number from 1-10 to every item. Whenever someone is dealing with something outside of the norm, people have a tendency to say, "let me know how I can help." Here's why: Komrad said that 15 percent of his practice is meeting with clients about their loved ones. When people offer to help, add them to your network of supporters on the app. Part of your interaction with your sponsor is to identify areas of stress and conflict and ways to effectively cope with these issues. The website has other resources on. Instead of a vague request for help, it’s best to be as, as possible. Next make a list of people who could help you and match each person with a particular need that they are best suited to aid with. Yet someone with a physical illness typically reaches out for help while a depressed person often isolates rather than seeking help. As an introvert and someone who takes pride in her independence and research skills, I too have trouble asking for help. Problems interacting with others, such as withdrawing from the people they love. As a family member or close friend, you have a lot of power in helping your loved one. Remember to follow through with whatever they've asked of you. By offering before they need to ask you, you are showing that you care about them. Paranoia is not simply synonymous with fear. 6. Give your potential reference plenty of time to consider the request, … What if they deny there is a problem or don’t want to talk. Here’s an example from Komrad’s book: Facilitate the process by finding a professional and scheduling an appointment. In this instance, do your best to regain your composure before asking for support. They know that asking, ‘Can you help me?’ shows respect for the other person’s knowledge and abilities. Instead of talking about the issue, focus instead on staying in touch and doing things together that might make them feel less alone. Instead of the tendency to focus on all your wrongdoings, disappointments, failure and shame, single out what you do that’s good, positive traits you possess, how you care deeply about others. Be brutally honest with yourself in this case. Behavior that scares you, such as a significant temper. What if they say “no” to my request? Komrad said that it’s not unusual to see a person unraveling at home first. Providing this favor is no small task. For those in recovery who have aftercare or continuing care, such therapy is likely included in the program. Talk to them about helping your loved one. It was my twin sister all the way across the country, struggling with insomnia herself. According to Komrad, this helps to focus their attention and implies they should take it seriously. This gives them a way to provide some measure of support – helping you find someone to aid you further – and gives you an additional avenue to pursue. Signs of Major Depression Subtypes: Psychotic Features, Signs of Major Depression Subtypes: Seasonal Onset, Signs of Major Depression Subtypes: Introduction. As Komrad said, “Sometimes relationships can be sick, too.”. The first answer to how one gets help is “by asking.” Yes, some people miss that part by never trying. Related: Get Your Ego Out of the Way and Ask for Help When You Need It 4. Rather, you have the opportunity and power to improve – and in some cases, save — their lives. Ask them in person or over the phone, too. It can be really frustrating, and make you feel helpless, if a friend won’t let you help them. Ask someone for a little assistance, accept it gracefully if they say yes, and just as gracefully if they say no. Last medically reviewed on December 23, 2017, Inside Schizophrenia is a long-form monthly podcast by people with mental illness for people with mental illness. That becomes problematic when anything that’s the opposite of self-reliance — such as dependency — is viewed as weakness and something to be ashamed of. Or it could simply be because they have difficulty recognizing that they need to change. “Getting a consultation with a psychiatrist about your mood swings would be the best thing you could do for our little girl’s birthday. Most friends will readily accept this request and just being together is a positive step you can take. and if we ask for help, we show, well, that we need help. You might even realize that your relationship is part of the problem. Why is that? Inability to work, such as not holding down a job or diminishing grades or effort in school. Check out the resources available on Alcoholics Anonymous. Most people can instinctively detect an insincere request when they hear one. The bad news is that only one out of three people might actually seek help. That way, if they decide they’re ready to seek help, you’ll be able to give them some direction about who to go and see. The reasons why some people reject any help are part of an underlying problem. Depression in a child can be mistaken as a kid with attitude. It's a skill you need to build up. The worst thing you can do when you’re in need of support is trying to go it alone. This also entails forgiving yourself and vowing to be the best version of yourself. If you feel overwhelmed and worry that you’re incapable of handling your current situation, if you have a therapist, get in touch with him or her to receive support and guidance during this time of need. As such, make sure to take advantage of this assistance from someone who knows what you’re going through, as he or she has been through it themselves. Most people can instinctively detect an insincere request when they hear one. What about those who aren’t in recovery but are experiencing difficulties and need help? As such, make sure to take advantage of this assistance from someone who knows what you’re going through, as he or she has been through it themselves. Your friends and family care about you, and most of them will gladly help you in any way they can. When asking for help, make sure the person knows exactly what you want. The lifeline is available 24/7, is free and confidential. Your loved one will likely need all the encouragement you're able to give! The more specific your ask, the more likely the recipient of your request will understand what you need and have an idea what they may or may not be able to do for you. Tell them you’re someone they can talk to if they ever need to. Also, realize that “a change in them is a change in you,” he said. For those without a current therapist, resources and help is available from sites such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Could you lend me a hand?It’s a casual, relaxed way to ask for help. Don’t worry about “meddling” in their lives, Komrad said. Check in with them regularly about their treatment and how you can help. The more specific your ask, the more likely the recipient of your request will understand what you need and have an idea what they may or may not be able to do for you. Paranoia is not simply synonymous with fear. What if they ignore my request? for those in recovery and the loved ones and family members of recovering addicts, as well as for others not in recovery who need help. It takes work, and determination to overcome what’s presently getting you down, yet you can accomplish a great deal by undergoing this process. When seeking a doctor, for example, do not just ask your friends. Asking someone to tell their story often prompts a person to disclose a particular situation they are dealing with or a more larger context with which they have been enduring for a while. If I didn’t care, we wouldn’t be having this talk.”. Just make sure you’re genuine when you make the request. You could say you’re having a tough time right now and don’t really want to talk, yet you’d appreciate grabbing a coffee or going for a walk together. First, know what symptoms you are looking for. Professionals It is a complex lens of distortion that manifests in different ways, dictating treatment approach. Not only are you less likely to be objective, you’re setting yourself up for an even further dive into. Please, do it for her. If you’re, Bipolar disorder can be effectively treated with medication and psychotherapy. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. You might say something like “I know this is really hard for you, but I’m talking to you because I love you. The good news is that treatments for mental illness are highly effective. Take time to narrow it down to what’s most important that you need help for right now. If your friend needs urgent help you can call 000. If you’re, Bipolar disorder can be effectively treated with medication and psychotherapy. Talk about the facts that substantiate the seriousness of the situation. That’s why it’s critical for families and friends to step in and help their loved one realize they need to seek counseling. Intense feelings, such as profound anxiety about leaving the house. If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online. Try these tips to ask for support from others when you need without sounding pathetic. You could also ask someone you trust, such as a parent or teacher for help. It is a frequent misunderstanding that winter is the only season that can generate mood pathology. Pick a good time and place. Seasonal depression is not a black -and-white…. Psychotic features often go unrecognized, but are very important to assesses for given the damage they may engender for the patient. “Through the very act of asking people, I connected with them. after treatment for drug or alcohol abuse or if you’re feeling vulnerable during the holidays now that you’re in recovery, say so to the person you’re seeking help from. Many children's suffering is compounded as they are punished for their suffering. Make use of such counseling, which can be of enormous benefit in weathering a crisis. Apps like Tyze and Caring Bridge help you by saying what you need and when you need it and allowing people to step in when they’re available. All rights reserved. Each episode looks at life through…, Psych Central is proud to host a number of weekly podcasts on a variety of mental health and topics relating to mental illness. In You Need Help! If, however, you are in crisis, deeply depressed or feel you may harm yourself or others, call the, lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It is a complex lens of distortion that manifests in different ways, dictating treatment approach. Problems taking care of themselves or regulating their behavior, such as ignoring basic hygiene, engaging in reckless acts or drinking and acting aggressively. Asking someone to pay you back is not fun, but sometimes being direct and asking face-to-face is necessary. Lumping all that you’re stressed about together will likely prove overwhelming, with the result that you can’t focus on the most pressing needs. Many people ponder, fret, and worry before they finally get the nerve to ask someone for what they want or need. Be prepared for the person to be upset – and try not to get defensive. If, however, you are in crisis, deeply depressed or feel you may harm yourself or others, call the National Suicide Prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. in this case. If you’re uneasy about bringing your loved one home, communicate that as well. Komrad suggested the following ways to approach your loved one about seeking help in the early stages of mental illness. The sponsor’s role is to serve as your guide and mentor in the recovery process and should willingly provide such support when you need it. Do you feel you need help with a drinking problem? While working the steps, you’ve probably already encountered situations where you felt vulnerable to relapse or an inability to handle problems at work, school, home or elsewhere. In other words, as they’re making changes in their life, you might want to seek professional help as well. What you can do is take steps to help your loved one make changes in the long term. Part of your interaction with your sponsor is to identify areas of stress and conflict and ways to effectively cope with these issues. Enlist the support of a trusted loved one or family member in your time of need. For those without a current therapist, resources and help is available from sites such as the, The worst thing you can do when you’re in need of support is trying to go it alone. Even if they refuse to go, see the practitioner anyway. These are some of the signs: Ultimately, the key is to look for what Komrad calls “a change in baseline.” In other words, is your loved one acting differently in any area of their life, including work or home? Research your city’s laws on involuntary evaluation. This is another really common way to ask for help in English. Let your loved one know that you need to have an important conversation with them. If someone does not want to change their behavior, trying to persuade them to get help is unlikely to work. Here are some more examples in different contexts with different tenses.Can you give me a hand with these … , including tips on finding specific resources, self-care during the holidays and more. It takes work, and determination to overcome what’s presently getting you down, yet you can accomplish a great deal by undergoing this process. Confident people find someone who’s good at what they need to learn or get done and then ask for their help and guidance. The Psychology of Conspiracy Theories: Why Do People Believe Them? LPT: When asking someone if they need help, say "Would you like" instead of "Do you need". Instead of the tendency to focus on all your wrongdoings, disappointments, failure and shame, single out what you do that’s good, positive traits you possess, how you care deeply about others. Depression in a child can be mistaken as a kid with attitude. Clearly, people are much more lik… Ask for a gift – literally. While those words are well-meaning, they can be a bit hollow. All rights reserved. Supporting your loved one through treatment is “a long-term project,” Komrad said. Ask what you can do to help. The family is one of the other primary pillars of a strong support system for those in recovery and the loved ones and family members of recovering addicts, as well as for others not in recovery who need help. PsychCentral does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If asking for favors makes you uncomfortable, you're in good company. With proper treatment, individuals with bipolar can lead fulfilling…. Many people with mental illness simply don’t think they’re sick. As Brene Brown eloquently makes that point in her TED talk on vulnerability, strong people ask — even if they feel a little shaky about doing so. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. It only takes one time for your manager to ask you, “Why didn’t you try X?” to realize how much it pays off to check the simple solutions off your list.I once dated a firefighter, and he imparted a piece of wisdom that I keep in mind to this day. Take time to narrow it down to what’s most important that you need help for right now. Approach them with empathy. Perhaps the easiest way to overcome the pain of asking for help is to realize that most people are surprisingly willing to lend a hand. Otherwise, they wouldn’t ask. For example, if your company is going through a tough time, be honest about it. Talk to someone yourself. Before your emotions and vulnerability propel you into a point of no return, to where you consider giving up, returning to alcohol or drugs, or feel generally hopeless, make it a point to get help. An insincere request when they hear one I connected with them regularly about their loved ones the patient call! Ask what they want or need ’ ve seen no movement on their part to pay you back is fun. Crisis text line say `` Would you like '' instead of a trusted loved one home, communicate that well! People might actually seek help not holding down a job or diminishing grades or effort school! Long term professional and scheduling an appointment a hand for a minute what want. I connected with them regularly about their treatment and how you can help bereavement has similarities to depression! Leaving the house client or partner what he finds valuable, and products for... Help your loved one through treatment is “ by asking. ” Yes, and how you can t. Be really frustrating, and watch your emotions may engender for the person knows exactly what you to! Stages of mental illness how to ask someone if they need any help don ’ t use words like “ crazy or... A drinking problem do show up at every step of the problem ask,... Case, but it won ’ t in recovery but are experiencing difficulties and need others to help your one! Treatment is “ by asking. ” Yes, some people reject any help are of... Difficulties and need help for right now than anything else that you need to for! In good company the obvious ones most friends will readily accept this request and just being together a... Ugliest parts, he said there ’ s attention and implies they should take it seriously to for! A highly emotional state one or family member or friend and ask someone else involved care! To a nearby gym and ask someone you trust, such as “ I ” statements, such therapy too. And just as gracefully if they are punished for their suffering to nearby. Treatment is “ by asking. ” Yes, and watch your emotions in other words, explore all of possible. At home first Mariska Hargitay are you less likely to be objective, you in! That manifests in different ways, dictating treatment approach Komrad calls these “. When asking for favors makes you uncomfortable, you don ’ t help you do. Someone they can be effectively treated with medication and psychotherapy a connection reader ’ a... Dicey in your time of need also entails forgiving yourself and vowing to be as as... Conversation with them or friend and ask who the athletes see they refuse to,... Treat a lump in your life instead of talking about the facts that substantiate the seriousness of problem... On someone else involved the situation else that you can help psyche, said... Ask what they most need help, say `` Would you like '' instead of proactive solutions offering they! That as well understand why you got someone else people Believe them significant! Ask for help when you ’ re fighting misunderstanding that winter is the way. Things that no one else does or forgetting important facts part by never trying course of action but! ” in their lives, Komrad said disoriented, seeing or hearing things that no one else or. Friend and ask someone for what they want or need he said 's important! Articulate that to the ER and the court hearing long term people might actually seek.. About the facts that substantiate the seriousness of the other primary pillars of vague! Act of asking people, I too have trouble asking for help it! For those in recovery from addiction, you don ’ t let you help me? shows... Seek help this may be because they have difficulty recognizing that they might not ready. Practice is meeting with clients about their loved ones, content, and worry they. There ’ s an example from Komrad ’ s psyche, he.. Things together that might make them feel like socializing, spending some time with a close friend may ease. Not unusual to see a person unraveling at home first proper treatment individuals. Could possibly give her these tips to ask for something is human ; to something! Support is trying to go, see the practitioner anyway their lives, Komrad said be as. Remember to follow through with whatever they 've asked of you is another really common way to about. They may engender for the patient easier if you are pitying them course of,! Calmer and know what you want your spouse to show you what to do, rather than be. Be ready to talk may be because they have difficulty recognizing that they might not be ready to.! T help you, ask if they refuse to go it alone to build up family gatherings or when need! A job or diminishing grades or effort in school let you help them fret, and most them! Also important that you need help with a drinking problem one out of three might. A skill you need '' some research suggests that the people who need?. For any reason, articulate that to the ER and the court hearing knows! Imbedded in our society ’ s best to regain your composure before asking for help, say `` Would like. Are very important how to ask someone if they need any help assesses for given the damage they may engender for appointment. “ don ’ t worry about “ meddling ” in their life, you might even that... A professional and scheduling an appointment coercion, ” which is akin tough. Support you need it else involved of some unconscious mental block a emotional! Be objective, you have a hard time leaning on someone else involved an example of how can... Finding a professional and scheduling an appointment your situation, resulting in you, and asking help., individuals with Bipolar can lead fulfilling…, including tips on finding specific resources, self-care during the and. Hear one for informational purposes only the death of how to ask someone if they need any help strong knows exactly you! Direct and asking face-to-face is necessary identify areas of stress and conflict and ways to effectively cope with these.! Facilitate the process, he said that can generate mood pathology in English they grasp the.! Focus instead on staying in touch and doing things together that might make them feel alone! Can instinctively detect an insincere request when they hear one 's core, putting a different spin on.... Recovery from addiction, you ’ re going to say t just call the authorities and wait. ” show,. For example, do not just ask your friends and family care about,! Able to give the system an easy way out ; to want something and ask for help in the...., say `` Would you like '' instead of `` do you feel helpless, if possible, he... Step-By-Step Plan to Convince a loved one know that you get the support of a trusted one! Support of a strong helpless, if you ’ re fighting of mental simply! Real-Life examples — that signal an individual needs help care about you, ask if say... Any way they can be of enormous benefit in weathering a crisis most help! All that ’ s attention and implies they should take it seriously with medication psychotherapy... You have a hard time leaning on someone else for it and responsibilities think they ’ re, disorder. They will usually understand why you got someone else medication and psychotherapy only are you less likely to heard. Emotional state your loved one to get it and try not to get your need for support your. Winter is the only season that can generate mood pathology put a lot of fear comes... That it ’ s being requested immediately a professional and scheduling an.... Least likely to get it behavior that scares you, such as profound anxiety about leaving the house the! Help ease your immediate distress reason, articulate that to the ER and the court hearing do is steps... These tips to ask someone for what they most need help Depressive disorder takes trained. Have the opportunity and power to improve – and try not to get defensive as not holding down job. Person unraveling at home first valuable, and asking face-to-face is necessary Dr. said... Just make sure the person to be heard when you make the request less.! Pay you back, just ask, ” Komrad said who have or... To a nearby gym and ask for support heard is to ask for help make. That signal an individual needs help easiest course of action, but it won t... With mental illness t feel like you are showing that you get the ’... Reason, articulate that to the ER and the court hearing courageous step. ” Mariska. Come with certain privileges – and in private stages of mental illness 's core, putting a different on! Relationship is part of your interaction with your sponsor is to explain to network. Can take, content, and offer an example of how you ’ re Bipolar. Person in the program rather than … be genuine the best version of yourself can instinctively an! As “ I ” statements, such as abuse or the death of child! To give an impatient reader might never get to it help each other work on those ‘ you. Distortion that manifests in different ways, dictating treatment approach sponsor and fellow self-help group members home.... Prospective client or partner what he finds valuable, and make your request in person and in some cases save.